The sun shone modestly. Brohth was going to market to buy weed, when suddenly Drahglare and Xinoenah intercepted him.
Brohth : “Get ur puxsies outa the wayyy!! I’m getting my sweet kush from the market!”
Xinoenah: “I thought we were gonna fak in FuoklarBleu™ today!!!!!“
Drahglare: “Don’t u wanna do the SEX in FuoklarBleu™ today???”
Brohth was so angered. Brohth had just started 2 days of pure chaste walks with NO SEX faking in FuoklarBleu™ (his fave international Ultra Lounge but NOT a good place for VIRGINS)
Brohth: “I need to buy weed PLUS I’m a Virgin, you stoopid fatheads but stilll hot!!!! Why did you think I wanted to fak u??? I emailed u!!!! My email said ‘hi I’m good now’."
Xinoenah : "hi very good okay your email said come meet me on the roof top fuck pad we were waiting for hours!!"
Daghlare : "Oh my gohd you must have been hacked! who would do that to you? that is so evil."
Xinoenah : "maybe it was your dirty archgeninisis GAY Bringle.""
Brohth pondered for a minute… thought of the days when Brohth and Bringle used to cross streams… hold each others pingpanks… drink beers… write rock n roll songs… or poetry….some may say….
“Bringle wouldn’t betray me like that…”
Xinoeonah: “But u know Bringle always wanted to fak you.
Brohth smiled sheepishly and darted his opalescently deep blue eyes to the dusty upper corner of the opalescent epicentre that was the crumbling cookie in Dahglare’s agelessly translucently formless hand.
“You know……………. Sometimes love is like a dollar store coupon you got from your Aunt Shrilp’s tupperware and forgot in the pocket of your diamond encrusted Levi coinpurse………. Next thing you know, you’re digging for something larger than the chicken village you grew up in so that you can buy a petite HoleInTheWall Creative Loft repurposed to share with a DJ and 6 men…. 6 men who don’t recognize the child within your raw pumping chest heart….. but then it comes loose (the child)….. pops as popcorn does out of your fluid body and runs away…….. You reach into your pocket…. fully realizing that coupon you found in your aunt’s Tupperware you needed after all.”
Brohth’s story was interrupted when a sexified Prius drifted in, almost colliding with Brohth’s silky form.
“get in losers!” yelled Smaghma, Brohth’s cousin.
“dude you totally ruined my vibe. I was trying to tell these tittieholders about my ex-friend who was trying to fak’s me.
“What a bummer but C'MON” Smaghma winked.
Xinohnah: “Why should we go anywhere with you ur not even a virgin like Brohth”
Smaghma: “I’m heading to Formless Wafer Cafe to see Bringle’s new acoustic folk fusion project, Mediterranean Blitz. It’s gonna be EPIK!”
Daghlare: “That does sound epic BRO this could be your chance to see if Bringle is the hacker scum who is coming between you and ur immaculacy.”
Brohth: “You're right day Daghlare let's ride.”
Xinohnah: “Play something by SucPuxsy, Smaghma!”
They all sang along to Cushion Crap on their way to Formless Wafer Cafe. It went like this:
cousin cousin spare me a dime
I’m not gonna get to the baptism in time
cousin cousin, make a wish
For the drought has killed my favourite fish
That cushion is so comfy I must sit down
I fak on the cushions in town
I’m wishing for an armchair
To fak my puxsi til I’m bare
I will come on ur water cooler
Take ur wife to court and sue her
Slapslap my cushion ass.
brethren brethren spare me a lime
i’m thirsty for cummies and aged wine
brethren brethren, blow a kiss.
for the slab has hybrids
Slapslap my cushion ass.
After singing to their fave bop and running 7 red lights, the young whippersnappers finally reached their destination and boy oh boy they were hungry.
" this song is a good depiction of masculine fragility through the lens of music juxtaposed with the primary bond of family and w33d." articulated Smahgema.
everyone in the Prius was so turned on by Smahgema's analysis so they all did it except for broth who is a virgin and dignifiedly proud.
They walked up the Formless Wafer Cafe. Gint was working door.
"you don't have to pay because you are all hot except Brohth he's a silly dirty virgin. I could smell it on his breath of mile away."
Brock cut back, "at least I'm a good person" and paid $40 Shameless USA dollars. they charged in just as Bringle was finishing up a soul-wrenching cover of Patio Lanterns (Skrillex Remix).
"stop this garbage!! Bringle is a hacker!!" Brohth yelled, slamming a champagne bottle against a Fender amplifier.
"A BETRAYER AND A HACKER"
He then unplugged all the understated equipment, jacking off and screaming,
" BRINGLE is a lost soul who thinks he can find PEACE by hacking a PURE untampered virgin’s email and asking hot chicks to fak. you can't get away with it. I know you just want to get into my diamond encrusted pocket purse. I am truly betrayed and disappointed and I feel like Bringle should face Justice just as i faced cuntfuzzien and demoralization and defammation on the way to the market to buy weed. tell all of Formless Wafer what a spineless turd you are”
Bringle: “I recognize you, and I hear you. I am listening to you, I am present. I acknowledge your statement about my potential wrongdoing and I realize your anger. But I Did Not Hack You. I Don’t Even Own A Computer. Let’s go to my favourite Gastrobar, Fork and Salade, to discuss. Me to listen and you to dissect while we sample kraft wines and eat aperitifs prepared tableside. “
Later… At Fork and Salade…
Brohth and Bringle are so confounded…
“Who who WHO could have HACked me???” exclaimed Brohth
Suddenly, their server came with a nice snack. Bringle noticed a tear quivering in the server’s youthfully tainted eye.
“Why, oh forsaken server, do you shed a single tear at thy place of labour?” asked Bringle quizzically. “Also, tell us what you are called.”
“I am named Inflooansehre, after my hot mother. I am in a sad state because the state that is the stinky government fired me from my job as a Virgin Finder, which was my only means of feeding my tender offspring. Now they are dead. rip”
“Why were you fired?” wondered Brohth questioningly.
“The government pigs are corrrupt. They oppress Virgins. You can’t model if you’re a Virgin…you can’t do anything really. They thought that I was a member of the disturbed sex club, but I’m a secret Virgin. They found out when I was betrayed by an attractive young female. They gave me an ultimatum. Virginity or gross sex. I thought I could lose it in time, but no… I just couldn’t find the OneTrueCock I wanted.”
Brohth : “You’re a Virgin?”
Bringle : “You’re Gay?”
Both: “You gotta hang with us!”
And so, Brohth, Bringle and Inflooansehre went forth into the invisible night, ready to take down the cruel and incoherent government that dared hack the passionate Brohth’s email.
Brohth, Bringle and Inflooansehre called up Smahgma to give them a ride to the government in Smahgma’s smooth yet antique but also restored Prius. As they were night driving as swans on a lake of cracked pearls, Brohth got a call from Xinoenah.
Brohth: “Hey sluht, I’m not gonna fak u, remember?”
Xinoenah: “I’m a hot chick and I remember. Where did you and Bringle scamper off to? Me and Daglahre left the Formless Wafer Cafe cause we plantbaseddiet sexi tittieholders were hungry. We’re snacking at Vegan Charcuterie Board Ultra Lounge. Jentrafikatiohn is playing a SubtleBalladCrosspollinationWithFieldRecordingsFromHisMother’sSummerPoolMiamiHome DJ set off his iPhone 12. You CAN’T Miss this!! “
Brohth: “Uhhh dude. I would totally love to go but me, Bringle, Smahgma and our fresh odouresent friend Inflooansehre have business.”
Xinoenah: “Oh……. Inflooansehr”
Brohth: “You know this respectful human?”
Xinoenah: “Um yah. We were gonna fak cause I’m a hot check but we didn’t cause he’s a Virgin Scum. I mean… sensitive lovely Virgin-“
Xinoenah abruptly but also suddenly hung up.
Brohth: “Sorry my boys. my frisky slat who’s hot was being obscure. she says she tried to fak you Inflooansehre but you didn’t cause you’re a Virgin. That’s so brave.”
Inflooansehre: “Oh, was she called Saple? That’s the attractive young femaled human who betrayed me to the governement.”
Brohth: “Oh, unique. That blows just as a whistle of a ferryman does as he thinks of drinking crushed dreams. Xinoenah is my female, she’d never do that! Plus she is not called Saple”
Smahgma: “We’ve arrived to the government!”
They all hastily but readily leaped out of the Prius car.
“Are we really gonna do this?” interrogated Bringle enthusiastically.
“You having second thoughts bro?” imagined Smaghma.
“um no. I will always stand beside my bros and Brohth’s cousin. I also love chaos, anarchy, and non-conforming.” implied Bringle.
“Then let’s rock and rolll! Quick, Inflooansehre, get in disguise!”
Inflooansehre had already traded tears for tears in jeans, hopelessness for contemporary, high-quality garments that inspire and emphasize individual style, and rage for a flattering orange scarf.
They pranced up to reception. The receptionist did not smell virginal. Her nametag read “Paste”.
Paste had breastily breasts and a wavy spine. Her dripping smile reached from the frigid peak of mount everest to the effervescent lagoons of the equator and welcomed the Boys and Cousin.
“hiiiii. Do you hate Virgins? are you here to sign up for the Virgin Vigilante Venture?????”
All: “Oh yah, yah totally.”
And so, they galloped up a spiral staircase behind Paste to the V.V.V HQ. As Paste opened the willowy door, it smelled slutty. Before them stood 2 cloaked gentlemen, 2 decorated women, 2 costumed cousins, and 2 festooned parkours. Bringle and Inflooansehre turned to each other and exclaimed,
The mystically Opaque Figures smirked in delightful approval of the deceiving Boys’ statement.
“You present yourselves to combat virginity?” they chanted brightly.
The Boys all gazed longingly at each other, disoriented yet hopeful. Smeghma gazed deliriously at Paste’s undulating vertebral column.
“Of course. We are not Virgins. They are Scum. Slut Power!” asserted Brohth.
“Very Good.” The beings sung in harmonious unison.
Bringle peed his cullotes.
Inflooansehre couldn’t help but become aroused. His corpora cavernosa rushed full with blood. It wasn’t long til his solid mass was noticed by the 6 attentives.
“Oooh la la, looks like someone is pleased with our urinated specimen. Are you Gay, one with the impenetrable shaft?”
Inflooansehre: “I am one of the homosexualities. Is that a problem, Masters?”
Paste sighed. “I wanted to fak you. When will anyone fak today? Oh well.”
She left the room.
Figures: “Paste may have a smile that lights every corner of a bottle into a rainbow, but a disappointed Paste turns that rainbow into a cloud of heartbreak. She always gets her way. In any case, we have a Gay Virgin section of our organization for Gays to seek out Gay Virgins.”
Inflooansehre: “Sign us slutti uncelibate fakmachines up”